emptiness…

For a while I forgot the little things about you. I couldn’t remember your voice, your smile, your touch, or your presence. It was hard for me to put your face to your name. It was all a blur to me…something of the past. But today I woke up and all the memories I have of you came rushing back. I remember the feel of being in your arms, the softness of your lips on mine, how delicately you stroked my hair when you told me how much you loved me.

I miss you…

through it all

I love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love waking up to someone and smiling and having them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feeling.

Feeling the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feeling like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowing giving him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with his family and saying something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. Him telling me how beautiful I am in front of his family. Them looking at us and seeing how much we adore each other. The feeling of pride when his mom tells me she is happy her son has found someone so worth his love.

The tears after a big fight. And then him rushing over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

After the break up, the feeling of betray as you look at another guy. Knowing you shouldn’t be looking, you don’t belong to them. knowing he still doesn’t look at anyone but you.

When you hang out, the way his eyes watch yours,the way they say sorry, the way you know he wants to kiss you and make all the pain go away. Trying your hardest not to cry because he refuses to become a couple together.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

Being best friends.

Him thinking he is not good enough, so he wants you to find someone that is.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.

Do you remember what I was when we first met? I’d built walls around my heart, gated them, and thrown away the key. I had been hurt, I told you from the beginning. I’d been used, tricked, played with, but most of all, hurt. I thought it best to never fall in love again. So I locked my heart.

You figured it out quite soon. I said don’t fall in love with me. I cannot fall in love with you. I won’t. I’m too hurt, too damaged, too afraid to go through all of this once more. I’d decided love was just a scam. So we became friends, and that was okay with me, and with you. And it was all nice and comforting and I let myself trust you.

You would listen to me for hours, as we talked about everything and nothing. You learned why I wasn’t willing to let anyone love me, and though you said you would never do that kind of a thing to me, I wasn’t ready to trust you to test it out. I kept my walls intact even when I started remembering where I’d thrown the key. It was the only way to keep myself from falling in love. But then something happened. I woke up three weeks ago and realised that I love you. And you said you love me, and you cannot promise we will be forever but you can promise not to hurt me. I believed you. I still didn’t realize how I’d come to love you, how you came to find the key to my heart.

Now I know. You didn’t find the key. You broke into my heart, and I let you. Just don’t break my heart.

I remember

I remember everything since the day we were together till the day that things ended between us. How we could just go around shouting in public not bothering if anybody thought that we were crazy because all we wanted was just to see each other smile & laugh and that’d be enough. How he showed me a side of him that nobody has ever seen before - a gentle yet vulnerable side. He was mine, and with just him alone I was very contented with life. Because life with him was never dull, I had something to look forward to everyday, even if it was just a smile.

I’ll never forget how his eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he laughed or whenever we met. How our bodies fitted so perfectly together - hands & shoulders. How his tone changed when he was talking to me compared to when he was talking to someone else. How he always winked at me when other girls were oogling at him to give them a hint that he was my boyfriend. How protective he was of me when guys tried to get near me.

I remember begging him to stay after each time he left. Sounds stupid but I never regretted it, because I’m happy of the fact that I once loved somebody this much, and to me, he was a very very very special person in my heart.

via lelove